Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.
Step right up and prepare to be amazed. See the dancing ferrets as they trip the light fantastic, witness the marvel of human peanut butter sandwich as he devours himself aided only by a tall glass of milk and gasp in awe at that rarest of beasts, The Happy Cynic.
I must confess (although anyone with enough free time on their hands and an hourly nervous synapse would have realised this) that I have used this forum in the past for the sole reason of venting my frustrations and rallying against a world two sizes too small. Not this time, and hopefully not for a long time. It seems that the pitcher of fate has thrown me a knuckle ball that I did not expect, which hit me squarely in the face but turned out to be made of the most ambrosial marshmallow.
Not wanting to bore you (actually I don’t really care, your opinion means as much to me as a burnt matchstick recently dislodged from the rectum of mine enemy), I have been subject to a recent revelation, a full ten days of them actually. These I will dispense to you at no additional, please leave the agreed upon amount under the rug on your way out, charge.
Life is not out to get you, it doesn’t care about you. So you can sulk in the corner or go out there and buy a hamster.
Your soul mate may be out there somewhere, but to the best of my knowledge, even romantic ideals need help once in a while. While you are out, we’re out of soda, please pick up a six pack.
Alcohol can only get you so far, after that you may need to borrow a personality or a nice shirt.
Pretty girls aren’t as scary as they seem. They are actually terrifying. Just remember, being nervous and profuse flop sweat are infinitely sexy (there is something to be said for getting your dating advice from startrekfanatics.com).
All this positivism is giving me a headache. How do optimists survive.
This one’s for K and K.
May your eyebrows never meet.
Malice
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